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Falling into the story
Growing up wasn’t easy for Peter. Being the oldest son he was expected to protect his siblings, help around the house and be the man of the house when his father was away, which was most of the time. From a very young age he learned to be impervious to pain, fatigue and fear–or at least that’s how he portrayed himself. Weakness was simply not tolerated.
Despite the fact that he was given these great responsibilities, they came at a high price. He was disciplined very harshly for the smallest mistake, such as breaking a dish, and still carries the physical, and of course mental, scars of that kind of discipline.
Peter learned to give people what they wanted at whatever personal cost that exacted from his body, mind and spirit. But what are the residual effects of this kind of harsh, exacting upbringing?
Peter is a very hard-working man almost to a fault. He still sacrifices his own well-being to ‘look after things’ and ‘help others.’ He is an honourable man and because of his self-sacrificing nature and training, a lot of people have tried to use him for their own ends.
It is not an easy path to go from the ever-sacrificing son to the balanced man.
Peter has realized that he cannot allow people to use him any longer. Maybe it used to make him feel valuable, useful and even loved, but he has realized that he is not being valued, is being used and is certainly not loved in any healthy way.
Peter has decided to break out of the story. The story of his life that he learned as a child and adolescent. The story that trained him that other people are more important than him. The story that trained him that the only way he’ll truly be loved is by putting everyone else first. The false story that he learned over and over again in different ways through his family. The false story that he perpetuated on into his adult life with choices that continued that familiar pattern.
The story is not who he is: The story is what others want him to be.
He is ending the story to become the balanced man he deserves and wants to be.
Bravo, Peter!
Peter will create miraculous things when he listens wholeheartedly to what his soul is telling him about himself. I have no doubt that he will create his own future and because it will be his, it will be exactly what he wants and needs it to be at any given time.
With peace and love,
Jacqueline
Changes in perception
It is incredible how our brains can see things so differently depending on our mood.
I am missing someone. They are away on vacation and I feel as if a piece of me is gone. Rationally, I know their absence is only temporary, but my whole mindset changed nonetheless.
I felt a bit lost, alone, vulnerable and negative. The glass became half empty, which is not like me at all. I realized that only my perception of my life had changed, but that my life really hadn’t. Except the fact, of course, that I am away from someone I love deeply.
I think the way that I feel is a part of my psyche, a part of my soul that is difficult to express and understand. It is almost as if I am in suspension, waiting and feeling slightly disconnected from the Now while I wait. I can still function, I work, laugh, love, cry–everything, but I am waiting for their return.
I feel as if my life is not completely in the Now without them.
I think that as human beings we grow very accustomed to the people we love. We weave our lives around them and become involved in their lives as they become involved in our lives. That is why setting one less place at the table or not making them a lunch or not kissing them before bed is so strange and leaves an empty place in my heart.
This is the fifth year that I have felt this way. It is never the same, but it always settles over me until their return.
I am honoured and grateful to love so much and to feel such loss when they are away. Love is many, many things and sometimes it doesn’t feel too good. That is life and I will feel whole again upon their return.
Peace and love to you all,
Jacqueline
Share the holidays
With the holidays rapidly approaching a lot of people come face-to-face with personal realizations.
The holidays are a time to rejoice in family and friends, to enjoy parties and, for some people, to realize loneliness and despair. It is a time when our society focuses on giving gifts and buying things and travelling to see loved ones and being together.
But there are always people that have no one to visit and no one to spend their holidays with. These people feel left out and alone and that’s one of the most desperate ways a human can feel.
It’s as if we become hyper-sensitive to the fact that not everything is as we would like it to be and we can become convinced that we are the only ones alone and lonely. That simply isn’t the case.
If you can this holiday season reach out to someone you know who needs a bit of extra help to make the season bright. Invite them over for dinner or out for a Christmas party or to go sledding with your family. It doesn’t have to be much to help them get through the holidays with a smile on their face.
And if you feel alone and lonely remember that the holidays are just another time of year and being alone doesn’t mean that you are unworthy or less than anyone else. Sometimes we all spend time alone with ourselves. It is the universe’s way of making sure we sit back and take stock of our life, that we talk with ourselves and make some realizations about how we are living our lives.
I wish you all a very happy holiday season and remember: You are never truly alone because you always have yourself.
Peace and love to you all,
Jacqueline
